captain paleo's ultimate body weight routine

That's right, I've finally discovered the ultimate workout. The day finally came when I finished a newly built routine and said to myself, "That was absolutely perfect." I tried different muscle groups on different days, I tried some no-rest weeks, I tried heavy rest weeks... I feel like I've tried everything. I started becoming interested in body weight workouts after watching this video and reading the Nerd Fitness blog. While I still believe that weight lifting has its place, body weight workouts tend to be simpler, quicker, more intense, and just feel more natural. They seem to more effectively improve agility, nimbleness, and movement.


Also, some people might claim that you need weight to properly stress your body. I disagree, and challenge those people to do a few instances of the routine I'm about to outline.


I'm getting ahead of myself, allow me to get into it.


Introductory Points


First, I feel sort of obligated to point out that even though it's my opinion that this routine is expertly designed, with weeks upon months of testing, it may not be right for you. If there is someone else in your life that routinely gives you fitness advice that says I'm totally off-the-mark, then so be it. Moreover, you can't expect any routine, let alone this one, to be a miracle. In order to see results, you have to have the determination and willpower to stick to it. Getting in shape, in my humble opinion, is more a test of your mental prowess than your physical ability. Also, I will always maintain that your diet determines 90% of how well and fast you shape up, just as I will always maintain that the absolute best option for this is the Paleo diet. Chances are that everything I ever post up here about diet or fitness is going to be built around the Paleo diet and lifestyle.


Second, for those of you who may not know what a "body weight routine," is, it's essentially a group of compound movements using nothing but the weight of your own body. Think push ups, pull ups, lunges, etc. There are no free weights involved in a body weight routine, and barely any equipment necessary. Any equipment that you would need can usually be substituted with something that is commonplace, that you probably have around your house.


Finally, this routine is a "circuit," which  means you'll do a group of exercises, and then repeat the group, and then possibly repeat it again. In between each individual exercise, I encourage you to only take an extremely brief rest, but I know that everyone is different. Don't hurt yourself, and if you need to rest, do it. If you need to take a drink of water, do it. While I'm happy to tell you to ignore what your mind tells you (that inevitable "I deserve a break), you should never ignore what your body tells you. Stress is OK, pain is not.


Keeping all of that in mind, here it is! Enjoy!


Captain Paleo's Ultimate Body Weight Routine

1. Get right into the action with 20 jumping jacks. If you feel like stretching before your workout, go ahead. Personally, it tires me out, so I tend to only stretch afterward.
2. Take care of your chest first with 8 push ups. Keep your back straight and make sure your nose hits the floor. With most exercises, push ups included, form is everything. Make sure yours doesn't suck.
3. Keep your heart racing with 10 more jumping jacks.
4. Since you just worked your front, now work your back. Do 10 dumbbell rows. If you don't have a dumbbell, use a 1-gallon jug (filled with water or sand) or a rock that you can get a good grip on. Be sure to do 10 of these on each side (both arms).
5. That's right, 10 more jumping jacks. 
6. Oh hai legs. Do 10 prisoner squats. Your legs tend to need more love, since they're like your foundation, and everyone is obsessed with working out chest and abs. Follow the prisoner squats with 10 lunges. Be sure to do 10 on each side, and if you need them to be a bit harder, put your hands behind your head.
7. 10 more jumping jacks.
8. Let's go back to the chest a little bit, and take care of arms at the same time. Do 5 decline push ups. Make sure your legs are on something pretty high (bed, chair, stairs, etc.)
9. 10 more jumping jacks.
10. Almost there, but first do a 20 second plank.
11. Go out with a bang. Do 20 jumping jacks.
12. Take a 2-3 minute rest, and then repeat steps 1 - 11. After you've gone through the steps three times, be sure to stretch. Remember, rest is important. You should be doing everything above rapid-fire, one right after the other, so enjoy the small breaks!

Closing

One fairly important point that I forgot to mention: do not attempt to do this every day. Watch the video I linked at the beginning of the post and follow its advice. Intense workouts should be random, infrequent, and intense. Humans have learned how to condition our bodies because we understand how to confuse it into becoming more efficient. Switch it up week-by-week, and do some cardio in between. As an example, I roll a six-sided die three times each week to decide which days I do this routine (1 - 6 is Monday through Saturday).

Finally, there are ways to progress beyond this workout, but I am confident that this routine would even stress veteran weight lifters. I do plan on writing an "advanced," version eventually, that includes pull ups, and some more ab love (although planks are really the best love you can give them). If you feel that this routine is too easy for you, increase the repetitions within each circuit, or add another instance of the circuit before you finish. Personally, I do a bit more than what I wrote above, but not by much.

Hope you enjoy! I give you permission to curse my name when you feel the burn at any point during this routine!